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I’ve interacted with plenty of White guys, but it’s never clear if they are interested in a relationship or not, even when we’re on a date.
Sometimes I wonder if they’re actually interested in a serious relationship with us’’.
But things are thankfully changing for Black women.
It is now estimated that 48 percent of Black Caribbean men and 34 percent of Black Caribbean women are in mixed-race relationships in the UK.
Going through my contacts on Facebook reminds me that my girlfriends of colour have all been single significantly longer than my White female friends, who are often in and out of dating and relationships. Some may argue that our standards our ‘too high’, but would anyone say this to an educated White woman who only wanted to date White men?
On a few occasions I’ve tried speed dating and singles nights with my White girlfriends, and not only have I been the only women of colour there, I’ve felt distinctly ignored by the men there, even though my friends commented on my exuberance throughout the evenings.
It seems that many Black women feel that it is our responsibility to preserve the Black community. Surely, a shared connection, chemistry and interests (which is so hard to find) are more important than having to explain to a man how a weave is sown in?
Having Black men reinforce these stereotypes makes dating harder for us. A conversation I had with my friend Ally last week summarises the confusion among my girlfriends: ‘‘I want a man I connect with on every level, and I don’t care about their colour, but I’m just having no luck, I feel like I’ve been single forever!I believe that plenty of Black women here have accepted this now, and would rather expand our options, but we’ve had similar experiences to Ally when we try this, which leaves us confused about how we are perceived by men in general.I remember a few years ago only seeing older Black women with White men (my mum being an example of this), however, now lots of girls and younger women are expanding their horizons, not just because they cannot find a Black man, but because they choose non-Black men.I am a Black British teacher, and many of my friends are also in professional vocations.We are young women open to dating other races, but being open doesn’t necessarily make finding a partner any easier. We’re tired of reading articles that tell us to widen our options as educated women and date men outside our race, because we are attempting this and it is making no difference.
However, the proportion of Black men in the UK dating non-Black women eclipses that of Black women doing the same.